Teenage Worriers.

I never date. Back then I was so inferior with myself and 24/7 trying to stay away from my opposite sex. Most girls of my teenage age will either have a boyfriend, talks about boyfriend or just simply flirting. Me? None of those things. Well, okay truce, I did talk about guys, that's normal right? heh.. But you know, I know where such talk will lead to. Nothing, and no one. 

Aku start realize on the importance of being a good muslimah bila  naik form 1. Yelah, dah pakai tudung lengkap and I don't have people that I can boss around like I'm some sort of lambda kappa pi leader. So, starting from that point, aku jadi anti lelaki. Most of the guys at my school was such a loser. They don't respect us girls, they try to grab us everytime they can, they don't give a damn about the teachers who were trying teach in front of the class, and during lunchbreak, they date with a girl from another class in a class where practically no one is in there. I guess maybe I was from the art class, so u know what that means. Hey, but the guys from the science stream was kind of the same. They were snobbish because they think they are smart, and yeah, a girl like me, would never stand a chance and to be good enough for them. I know. Been there.

I kept on rambling about these guys to my friends and how much I hate their attitude. Well, at first they were listening but I guess until one point they started to get annoyed. So I got dumped by my friends because of that. Maybe I was being annoying but I just can't stand those boys. I mean seriously, if you guys were in my place, where the situation would be the other way around, do u think u want to be with someone like that? Do you?

And it's not them I hate. It's their attitude which leads to self vomiting. (No offence guys). Anyway, I don't think I was attractive back in my school years, what the heck am I thinking? I'm still in school. You know that is why I kept distance of myself from the boys. I don't socialize with them, I get nervous around them, I tend to act clumsy and embarrassing myself, uhuh, they scares me that much. And yeah, guys that know me doesn't really like me either. Yelah aku layan diaorang dingin. 

Contoh, tau lah budak lelaki, kelas art plk, beg nipis, pensil pen segala ape tak bawak. These boys will always like, "Shida, pinjam pen" sambil senyum miang, euw. Then Shida ni pun bagi lah, "Nah kau ni lain kali bawakla pen" sambil sengih2 manja. Bila time diaorang mintak dekat aku, there is only one thing that I will do, sufficient enough for them to hate me, or to label me as menggelabah, poyo or anything. "Ummu, pinjam rubber" sambil senyum kasanova. I lift my chin up, look at his face, and stared like a minute at his shoes then continued with my work. They will first get confused with my expressions and standing there clueless at what I just did, but then they get used to it and from that moment they don't ask me for anything. And that is how I like it, peace.

Aku selalu terpikir, mcmn perasaan jadi orang lawa, orang hensem, orang hot or whatever. They will definitely have loads of secret admirers. They attract people easily, these people are like magnets! They should labeling themselves as The Magneto's or something. And seniors will definitely notice them because of their cuteness. Become abang angkat or whatever. I always wanted to be like in one of the movies, where, the girl was just an ordinary girl and thinks she wasn't that good, and then suddenly this guy notice her and fall in love with her. Oh my god! That was such a good feeling! Nonetheless, it's not going to happen since we're talking about reality here. 

Oh I think I do have someone who likes me when I was in form 2. His name is Azhar. Reason dia suka aku tu tak tau kenapa. Aku garang, and I look like a grasshopper when I was in form 2. Seriously. Aku tgk gambar2 lama masa form 2, I laugh hard. I was a nerd who ate twinkies. Mula2 tak perasan, u know the signal. The sign or whatever. Masa tu mak aku datang dengan adik aku dekat kelas time sekolah. Adik aku dah nak balik asrama so they dropped by to see me. Mak aku time tu pakai purdah lagi. And then bila aku dh duduk tempat aku, his friend, name Adnan asked, "Ummu, tu kakak kau ke?" "Taklah, mak aku lah". And then he turn back and said, "Takde peluanglah kau". Bila aku dengar je, aku terus tanya Adnan tu, "Kau cakap ape?" Garang uh! "Eh takde ape takde ape".

Aku ingat habis dekat situ jelah. One fine day waktu KH aku pergi solat zohor and buku lab aku tggl dekat makmal KH la kan. Aku balik je, bukak2 ada nota, "Wei Azhar suka kau." Aku terus terajang kerusi makmal. Ok taklah haha ape violent sgt kau ni Ummu? Sebulan jgklah aku balik pandang kiri kanan depan belakang takut diekori huu. Sebab waktu tu tgh kecoh trend secret admirer bunuh perempuan yang dia suka sbb reject cinta dia. OMG I was so paranoid. Aku baru 14 tahun. I don't know any better! Tapi that doesn't count as secret admirer sbb dia bad boy sekolah. Seluar londeh, hoppers la kire nya. So yeah that doesn't count.

Tu cerita dulu lah.. Zaman turtle ninja.  Now I'm a man lover heh. I got involve into a serious relationship right after I finished my sekolah menengah. And it's been nearly 7 years I'm with him until now. So yeah that changes things. A lot. I guess I have a soft spot somewhere heh. Hmmm, so what's your stories? :)

Oh one interesting post from my ustaz,

Score!

Ok bye!